Tuesday, January 26, 2010

blackbird singing in the dead of night

Hey you guuuys…

Another transfer in Hollywood is coming my way. I have asked myself the question so many times, why me? Why Hollywood? What am I supposed to learn? Heavenly Father has yet to answer my question, but I keep asking and one day, probably in five years as a young mom, Heavenly Father will let me know exactly why I was put in Hollywood Hills at this time with my companion. I have been having more and more frustrating days, but it will get better. Everyone in the unit feels that a light is coming, o sea, a relief from all of this frustration. I haven’t gotten that confirmation yet, but maybe I am blessed with the Spiritual gift of believing in the testimony of others, at least for now. All I know is that with the priming we have been doing, success is inevitable, one day or another.

The other Sunday one of the sister missionary’s parents came to visit our ward before they left on their cruise. I have been having a hard following this sister because her way of doing everything is so different than my way and the ward just loved her. Trying to fix a broken ward, especially one where the ideals of what a sister missionary is has been skewed has been so difficult. Her little spirit has been following me around and I wonder when her memory will ever fade away or just die from their memories. Then her parents come into town and take over and then there are little parties, for the few and select, to hang out and talk about how amazing this missionary is. I usually want to puke. But, I have come to the firm realization that this is not high school, though it sometimes feels like it, and I just have to keep swimming.

Progress is being made, I just know it because I feel the Spirit, and I wouldn’t be anywhere else, I just wish I could buck up and take a couple of more punches. I just get tired of the no success thing. I do feel a little punch drunk. (This statement always confused me because does it refer to the punch served at the party has been spiked. Or does it mean that I have taken too many punches to the head in the boxing ring and now I am a little off, like that movie with Cary Grant and the crazy guy who once was a great boxer? Oh well, I am sticking with the latter if the two). I feel a little out of whack, what do I do now? This area is sitting quietly, doing nothing, not even purring, and I have tried all of my tricks. And, not that I have written that, I kinda feel like I just got my answer. I should have listened to it yesterday, but I think I finally understand it now. I have worked so hard and I have tried everything I have known. I have tried to do all of this with revelation, but it just is not coming. Then, last night as I lost it because I JUST DON”T KNOW WHAT TO DO in this area which I am going to be in until I figure it out came suddenly. The Lord said this to me “For behold, I do not require at their hands to fight the battles of Zion; for, as I said in a former commandment, even so will I fulfil—I will afight your battles.”

OH. Ok.

Then I remember this experience. Yesterday we taught a Jehovah’s Witness man. Wow, what an experience. By the end of the lesson, which was full of the Spirit testifying, to me at least, the man accepted a Book of Mormon. He then told us, matter-of-factly that he “was not promising to accept the book, {he} was only promising to read it.” I then added that he missed a part of our invitation. I asked if he would pray about it too. “Yes, I will also promise to pray about it.” Ok, then I reminded him to read it with an open heart, or else he would be wasting his time. He got the hint and then told us he would call us when he had finished the whole book. Then his wife turned to us and said that she would love to see us on Saturday if at all possible. It was quite the lesson. We have been teaching a lot more of these lessons full of the Spirit. That has been fun to watch. Go with the Spirit because the Lord is going to be fighting my battles, I don’t need to worry about it, I just need to go and do!

Ok, well this has been quite a cathartic letter for me.

My birthday was so so good. I am sending you pictures of it. The members/investigators did so much to make me feel loved. I did feel loved. Now I am going to go aout and buy some new shoes. And then take a guilt free nap because a nap is something that prepares me for my next week of fighting the good fight.

Thank you so much for everything. Mom—I love the cases. I even like the material.

Love love love love love love love love love love love love

Hna Barros

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